How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
Shoot one.
What is the range of a piccolo?
Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.
What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo?
When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn’t hit the rim.
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would
visit the earth and take
a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man
who was crying.
The Lord asked the man, “Why are you crying, my son?”
The man said that he was blind and had never seen a
sunset. The Lord
touched the man who could then see… and he was
happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying
and asked, “Why are you crying my son?”
The man was born a cripple and was never able to
walk. The Lord
touched him and he could walk… and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who
was crying and
asked, “Why are you crying, my son?”
The man said, “Lord I’m a high school band director.”
……. and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
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There s a person from marching band, a person from colorguard, and a drumline person driving to an intersection in the middle of the night with no other cars on the road. They hit each other and all cars are totaled! The colorguard member manages to climb out of the car and survey the damage. She looks at her twisted car and says, “Man, I am really lucky to be alive!” Likewise the marching band guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The drumline person just shakes their head and says to himself, “I can t believe I survived this wreck!”
The marching band guy walks over to the drumline guy and colorguard girl and says, “Hey guys, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals.” The drumline guy thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you re absolutely right! We should be friends.”
The colorguard girl says “Let s see what else survived this wreck.” So she pops open her trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.
She says to the drumline guy and marching band kid, “I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to survival and our new found friendship.” The drumline guy says, “You re right!” and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the bottle the drumline guy hands it to the marching band kid and says, “Your turn! The marching band kid sucks down a third and hands the bottle back to the Colorguard girl.
The Colorguard girl puts the cap back on the bottle and says, “I think I ll wait for the cops to show up.” 
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A violist is sitting in the front row, crying hysterically. The conductor asks the violist. “what’s wrong?” The violist answers, “The second oboe loosened one of my tuning pegs.” The conductor replied, ” I admit, that seems a little childish, but nothing to get so upset about. Why are you crying?” To which the violist replied, “He won’t tell me which one!!”
Tags: entertainment, joke, band jokes, band, awesome, humor, funread
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A jazz player dies and goes to heaven… (no that’s not the joke)… Once he gets there, St. Peter points to where the heavenly jazz band is forming. The guy goes there and sees all of the greats that ever lived… Charlie Parker, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, everybody! Duke Ellington was conducting the band. “Duke, this is some kind of band! I mean, you’ve got everybody here! This is great!” “Yeah,” Duke replies, “it’s okay.” The jazz player is shocked. “OK? This is the greatest band ever!” Duke replied, “Yeah, the band’s great. But see, God has this girlfriend, and she sings.” - J. Smith - Bari Sax - Albuquerque, NM
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Q: How many music critics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Music critics don’t know how, but rest assured they’ll find something wrong with the way you do it.
Q: Why are music critics’ columns bad choices to line the bottom of a bird cage?
A: It’s too hard to distinguish the droppings from the writing.
Q: What do you get if you cross a music critic with a bowling ball?
A: A bowling ball that wouldn’t know a good performance if it heard one.
Q: What do you get if you cross a music critic?
A: A bad review.
Q: How many critics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They work in the dark.
Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play bagpipes, but doesn’t.
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
Q: What’s worse than a bagpiper?
A: Two bagpipers.
Q: What has 32 feet and an I.Q. of 83?
A: A flag corp.
Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
Q: How many electric guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, but they stand so close to each other you’d swear they were going to kiss.
Q: What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they suck.
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