Band Director Jokes
Q: How many music critics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Music critics don’t know how, but rest assured they’ll find something wrong with the way you do it.
Q: Why are music critics’ columns bad choices to line the bottom of a bird cage?
A: It’s too hard to distinguish the droppings from the writing.
Q: What do you get if you cross a music critic with a bowling ball?
A: A bowling ball that wouldn’t know a good performance if it heard one.
Q: What do you get if you cross a music critic?
A: A bad review.
Q: How many critics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They work in the dark.
Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play bagpipes, but doesn’t.
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
Q: What’s worse than a bagpiper?
A: Two bagpipers.
Q: What has 32 feet and an I.Q. of 83?
A: A flag corp.
Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
Q: How many electric guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, but they stand so close to each other you’d swear they were going to kiss.
Q: What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they suck.
Tags: laugh, awesome, funread, humor, interesting, band, comedy
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When you hear music and you start marking time.
When you walk behind someone and you’re in step with them.
When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song.
When all your friends are in the band.
When you don’t mind changing clothes on the bus.
When you point out key changes and dynamics while listening to the radio.
When every guy/girl you’re interested in is in the band.
When you like wearing your uniform.
When people ask you about your social life and you say, “Oh, you mean my trombone?”
When you consider your drill book a fashion accessory.
When you practice your instrument more than you talk to your dog.
When being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.
When people worry when they see you without your instrument.
When “armed guard,” means a girl with a pole instead of a guy with a gun.
When band camp is FUN
When someone says the word “box” and you automatically put your head up.
When you remember flats and sharps more easily than your name.
When you dress the lunch line, and urge others to do the same.
When you’re alone and you suffocate because there’s no one telling you to Breathe.
When slides feel normal.
When your instrument has a name.
When you remember your instrument’s birthday and forget your mom’s.
When making a line is you biggest accomplishment of the day.
When back marching no longer reminds you of ballet.
When you give your instrument a birthday party.
When you can make brown shoes look white.
When your uniform fits.
When white feathers become a fashion “do”.
When you see your section more than you see your family.
When everyone wants to kill the other football team…and you want To kill the other band.
When you think evening practices should last a half hour longer.
When you accidentally call your band director “Dad”.
When you CAN sight-read.
When you can put on you uniform in less than 10 minutes.
When reeds taste good.
When marking time is your favorite form of exercise.
When you have a neck strap/harness tan line.
When you subconsciously start practicing with a pencil.
When numbers past 8 aren’t important.
When you’re more opinionated about the Madison Scouts/Phantom Regiment Rivalry than the war in Kosovo.
When you roll-step through the cafeteria so you don’t spill your lunch.
When you’d rather practice than read this list.
When letters past G aren’t important.
When you get the jokes on this list.
Tags: best, joke, comedy, amazing, funny, laugh, band
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One day Bob stepped into a pawn shop. He looked around but didn’t see anything he liked. Bob was about to leave, when he noticed a stuffed squirel sitting atop a dusty old shelf. Bob said to the owner “Can I have that squirrel?”
The owner said “Yes, sure, on one condition: you must never bring it back.”
So Bob took the stuffed rodent and started walking down the street. A few feet later he heard a noise. Bob turned around, and to his surprise, a real live squirrel was follwing him! Bob quickened his pace and walked a little farther, then turned back and ten squirrels were following him! Bob started jogging, but after a little while, he turned back and there was a whole sidewalk full of squirrels!
Now Bob was scared. He ran as fast as he could, and then he got to the ocean. There, at the water’s edge, he took the stuffed squirrel and flung it as far as he could into the brine. And then the whole townfull of squirrels jumped into the ocean!
Bob went back to the pawn shop. The owner asked why he had come. “Don’t you remember I told you not to bring the stuffed squirrel back?”
“Oh yes” Bob assured him. “I didn’t bring it back. I was just wondering if you had a saxophone.”
Tags: entertainment, bored, laugh, funny, silly, joke, amazing
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1. What do Ginger Baker and canteen coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
2. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
3. What is the difference between a chiropidist and Ginger Baker?
A chiropidist bucks up your feet
4. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it.
5. How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
6. How can you tell when a drummer’s at the door?
He doesn’t know when to come in
7. How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer’s mouth.
8. What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
9. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they have a machine to do that now.
10. What’s the last thing a drummer says in a band?
“Hey guys, why don’t we try one of my songs?
Tags: silly, laugh, awesome, joke, interesting, timewaster, haha
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A drummer went to the music shop. When the salesman saw him he asked “what can I do for you?”
“Well,” said the drummer, “I’m tired of everyone saying I’m dumb just because I’m a drummer so I decided I’d come down here and pick out a new instrument to play.”
“Okay,” said the salesman,” if you need help just ask.”
After looking around the store the drummer came back to the counter and said,”I think I’ve decided. I’ll take that red trumpet there and that accordian over there.”
“Well,” said the salesman, “you can take the fire extingisher but you can’t have my radiator.”
Tags: fun, jokes, interesting, entertainment, comedy, bored, amazing
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