Band Geek Jokes
How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
Shoot one.
What is the range of a piccolo?
Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.
What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo?
When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn’t hit the rim.
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would
visit the earth and take
a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man
who was crying.
The Lord asked the man, “Why are you crying, my son?”
The man said that he was blind and had never seen a
sunset. The Lord
touched the man who could then see… and he was
happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying
and asked, “Why are you crying my son?”
The man was born a cripple and was never able to
walk. The Lord
touched him and he could walk… and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who
was crying and
asked, “Why are you crying, my son?”
The man said, “Lord I’m a high school band director.”
……. and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
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There s a person from marching band, a person from colorguard, and a drumline person driving to an intersection in the middle of the night with no other cars on the road. They hit each other and all cars are totaled! The colorguard member manages to climb out of the car and survey the damage. She looks at her twisted car and says, “Man, I am really lucky to be alive!” Likewise the marching band guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The drumline person just shakes their head and says to himself, “I can t believe I survived this wreck!”
The marching band guy walks over to the drumline guy and colorguard girl and says, “Hey guys, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals.” The drumline guy thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you re absolutely right! We should be friends.”
The colorguard girl says “Let s see what else survived this wreck.” So she pops open her trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.
She says to the drumline guy and marching band kid, “I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to survival and our new found friendship.” The drumline guy says, “You re right!” and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the bottle the drumline guy hands it to the marching band kid and says, “Your turn! The marching band kid sucks down a third and hands the bottle back to the Colorguard girl.
The Colorguard girl puts the cap back on the bottle and says, “I think I ll wait for the cops to show up.” 
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How do concert band flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
They ask their boyfriend to do it for them.
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only 1, but she’ll break 10 bulbs before she realizes they can’t be pushed in.
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but she’ll have to twist it back and forth for an hour to make sure she gets it just right.
How many flutes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one - she simply holds it up and the world revolves around her.
What do you call a good flute section?
Impossible
how can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
When the engines stop, the whining continues
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Sometimes it is hard to get our act together. Somewhere I read a story about a concert held in Philadelphia. One of the movements featured a flute solo that was to be played as if coming from a distance. The conductor had instructed the flutist to stand offstage where he was to count the measures precisely in order to come in at the exact time, since there could be no visual contact between the conductor and the soloist.
On the performance night when the time came for the flute solo, the flutist began exactly. The fine, lilting notes floated out beautifully. Then, suddenly there was a pinching sour note and the soloist was silent for the rest of the piece. The conductor was outraged and at the end of the piece he rushed off stage to find the poor flutist. The player was prepared.
“Maestro,” he said, “before you say anything let me tell you what happened, but really, you’re not going to believe it. You know I came in accurately, and everything was going beautifully, when, suddenly, this enormous stage hand ran up, grabbed away my flute, and pushed me back, saying, “Shut up, you idiot! Don’t you know there’s a concert going on out there?”
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Q: how do you confuse a drummer?
A: Put music in front of him
Q: How can You Tell A drummer is knocking on your door?
A: The knocking gradually gets slower
Q: What do trumpet players and pirates have in common?
A: THey both murder on the High C’s.
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